Friday, April 30, 2010

Little Green

I'm afraid that I have a new best friend. Sorry, Ally, you've been ousted. (Okay, not really. We'll just pretend for the sake of a good blog post)

So, there are a few things you should all know about me.
1. I like to have a plan. I don't do well with spontaneous, or fly by the seat of your pants.
2. I'm just a hair on the wrong side of OCD.
3. I get frustrated rather easily.

So, all of that being said, this is my new best friend:

Yes, my new friend (and pretty much constant companion) is the little green jealousy monster. And guess when he strikes the hardest? When things don't go according to my plan. I try not to be jealous of other peoples' fabulous lives. But it hurts a little bit everytime a friend buys a house. Or goes on a fabulous vacation. Or announces a pregnancy.
I don't want to be a Debbie Downer. I try and look at the positive things in my life:
~I've got a fabulous husband who loves me very much.
~We live in a great neighborhood/ward where we get to rub shoulders with some amazing people
~I have the best family in the whole world.
~I have an education and a stable job.
~We don't hurt for anything worldly.
And yet, I can't keep that little green monster from crawling into bed with me at night. I can't stop him from whispering in my ear how great it would be if we could buy a house, have a baby, etc. I can't seem to shake him from my shoulder when I'm at the gym and I see a skinny girl on the treadmill next to me.
So, oh wise readers of my blog, I come to you for advice. How do you keep the little green monster at bay? How do you reassure yourself that your life is just fine the way it is, that you don't need the things that so-and-so has? How do you become content in the knowledge that things will come your way when Heavenly Father decides it's time? How do you stave off jealousy?


Kristina P. said...

Man, it's hard! I don't know if there really is a way to curb the jealously monster, fully. There will *always* be someone who has it better than you.

I had a friend who is jealous all the time of people. Which is fine. I don't think it's the jealousy that's the issue. It's when you start making snide comments, are rude to people, etc. We are no longer friends because her jealousy of me, which she admitted to, led to some really mean things on her end. It was sad.

The B said...

I have 3 suggestions:

1 - Keep focusing on the good things you have. The more energy you spend being grateful for what you've got, the less energy you spend wanting what you don't. (Also, I recently heard - I think on NPR - something interesting about millionaires. They did a study and found that something they have in common is a mind-set of knowing what they want, and figuring out how to get it, as opposed to poor people who complain about what they don't have)

2 - I stay busy. Staying busy keeps me engaged in lots of stuff and my mind has very little time to dwell on what I don't have because it's too concerned about what I'm doing in the moment.

3 - Service. Cheezy, trite perhaps, but true. Volunteering, helping out, serving other people is a great way to get rid of that sense of jealousy, and really be grateful for what you do have.

Best of luck! This is a tough one for everybody!

Nursekasi said...

I know we talked about this at work yesterday, but what I do is focus on what I do have and enjoy having dreams and goals. Dreams and goals keep us motivated to work harder, to be more creative, and help us progress. Dreams may not happen in the time frame you expect so take time to enjoy all the little things and baby steps that are part of achieving the greater goal. There just may be something special you could be missing by not enjoying the road to the great reward. I once heard a quote by someone (can't remember who) that basically said life isn't always about the reward, but the journey along the way. How you view or enjoy that journey will shape your life for good or bad. Hang in there my friend. You know I feel your pain. Don't let jealousy weigh you down. Take time to enjoy the pathway to your dreams, it will be more worthwhile.

Adam and Cassie said...

If you find out, please let me know :)

Reid, Megan and Jackson said...

I used to struggle with this a lot but I have had some humbing experiences that have brought me down to earth but I totally know what you mean. When you really want something it's hard NOT to notice everyone around you that DOES have it. And you wonder Why not me?

I think you will have all that you want in time, but maybe just not YOUR time frame. Maybe heavenly father has other plans for you.

But you are not alone in feeling this way, everyone does.

Scott and Kenzie Butler said...

Annicka! I totally know what you are talking about!!! I have this same problem quite a bit, and honestly the one thing that helps me the best is try not to listen to everyone. Be happy for them, yes, but that is it. Say congrats and move on if possible. But seriously, I totally understand all about that green monster!!!

Ally said...

I'm glad to know I wasn't really ousted! Love you!

A Better No Tomorrow said...

I know exactly how you feel. I have a very troubled/dysfunctional family and for years I felt this awful anger and jealousy whenever I seen a family spending time together. In my head, everyone had it better than I did. It took me years and years to realize that there is no such thing as a perfect family. Every person/family has issues whether they are little or big.

We are our own worst critic.

I also like you have been baby hungry for the last few months and am currently working on not feeling jealous every time one of my friends announce a pregnancy (which feels like almost everyone lately). It will happen when the time is right. Just know that your not alone in having these feelings.

Lena said...

When you get feeling this way, call me. I will come over and we can talk about how we are in the exact same positions. I have no kids, and no house. I don't really want the kids right now, but some day, probably. We can go out and do stuff that would be hard if we had kids or a large house payment and more responsibilities. Remind ourselves that it's cool to take advantage of these times. Good luck Annie!

Meg said...

I love Lena's suggestion. I feel like I'm the queen of this right now. Super negative, jealous of anyone who even has hair! It's so hard to want something so bad and to not be able to have it, something that is out of reach. You know, it took us one miscarriage and a year of trying to get pregnant with Tru. But knowing what I know now I totally believe that Heavenly Father sent him down exactly when he was suppose to come. For my sake if nothing else. Hang in there. I was having a really bad day the other day where I felt like I was worthless, not contributing to anything in this world, just a drag on my family. I felt that way all day until I was walking to the kitchen table carrying a pan of this amazing tomatoe alfredo sauce I just whipped up from scratch and I thought, "you know, I can make good food for my family... if nothing else." It was humbling. Focus on what you do have and what you have accomplished! The other things will come.


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