My body IS a wonderland

Ok, all of my delightful readers. It's time to chat. But first, I want to show you a few things:

This is all what is considered "thinspiration." The "nothing tastes" quote is actually available embroidered on pillows, printed on t-shirts, and even as a HUGE vinyl decal to put on the front of your fridge.

I consider it a part of an even bigger, over all, problem. Something known as "body shaming."

"Body shaming is defined as inappropriate negative statements and attitudes toward another person's weight or size. It can also reach into the discrimination against individuals who may be overweight. In particular, there are negative attitudes in the media and elsewhere about celebrities who are "too fat" or who have not gotten rid of "baby weight" in an appropriate amount of time. A backlash against body shaming has resulted in the coining of the term itself and attempts to bring a more positive attitude toward diverse body sizes and styles." (From this site) 

Now let me show you one more thing:

Is it any wonder that we have unreal expectations of beauty? 

This morning I read a post from a female body builder. She mentioned that there are people who have attacked her for her shape, size, and choice to be a body builder. I looked through a few of her Facebook photos and for every positive comment there was a negative one to match. This woman was beautiful, and yet she was getting called ugly over and over again. 

Why? Why is our culture so obsessed with how we, and other people look?  Was this woman hurting anyone with the way she looks? 

We all do it, and I'm no exception. I'll look at people in the grocery store and think, "Really? That was her best choice for what to wear today? She does know that shirt is meant for someone half her size, right?" But it's wrong, and it's mean, and it doesn't help anyone.And yet, how can we expect to accept anyone else for the way they look when we can't even accept ourselves.

 I'm a big girl, anyone who looks at me can see that right away. I don't consider myself fat or ugly, but according to society's standards of acceptable beauty, I am both of those things. I fall into the obese range on the BMI scale (don't even get me started on that can of worms!). My nose is too long. I have carried and birthed two babies, both over 9 pounds, so I have some serious loose skin and stretch marks. I have enormous feet. My hips are wider than my ribcage. I most definitely don't have a thigh gap, visible hip bones, a flat stomach, or toned arms. And all of that is okay!  I have a beautiful spirit and the body that contains it reflects that. This body is mine. No, it isn't perfect, but it is beautiful.    

We are our own worst critics.

So, today, I am sending out a plea to women everywhere. Stop it!  Stop the shame, the hate, and the anger. Love your body, because it is yours!  Take care of it to be healthy, not because you are ashamed of how you look. Look another woman in the eyes and tell her how beautiful she is (and mean it!). And ladies, when someone tells you how beautiful you are, just say thank you. Don't brush off the compliment. Don't immediately put yourself down. Because, you want to know a secret? You are beautiful!  Tall, short, thin, fat, muscular, blonde, brunette, freckled, disproportionate, it doesn't matter. Join the "Love Your Body" revolution. 

How's it Going?

"So, how's it going?"

I have heard this question more often than any other in the last few weeks. Everyone seems to ask how it's going. I wonder how many of them want an honest answer.

I know what people want to hear from a new mom (whether for the first time or somewhere further down the line). They want to hear about how fabulous it is. How your baby is an angel baby that sleeps through the night, eats like a champ, and has a sweet disposition. They want to hear that you've never felt better. That you're so star-struck with your new little one that you just want to look into his or her eyes all day.  They want to hear about how much your older child loves the baby. That he's a good helper who is always gentle and kind to the baby. People want sunshine and roses and sappy-happiness.

But here's the truth:

It kind of sucks. In fact, some days it sucks a lot.

I really do have an angel baby. He is mellow, happy, and content to just hang out. He loves to snuggle. He is a great sleeper... during the day. He eats like a champ, but he also spits up a lot.

The truth is that most of the time, I don't remember the last time I showered. I've worn nothing but yoga pants and old race t-shirts for almost a month now. And sleep? Forget about it. Between middle of the night feedings, a 2-year-old that only naps sometimes, and a newborn that is possibly the noisiest sleeper EVER, I'm awake a lot. There are days that I wake up with a nervous pit in my stomach wondering how I'm going to survive the day until Greasemonkey gets home from work. And some days I'm hanging onto the sanity cliff by one little finger by the time he does get home.  The truth is that I cry. A lot. Some days we go run fake errands, just so the boys will both be strapped into their car seats and I don't have to entertain for a little while.

The truth is that T-Bone is angry. He hasn't asked me to send the baby back, but there have definitely been some hard feelings surface since we brought Little O home. He's been aggressive, defiant, and argumentative. The truth is that we spend a lot of time talking about good choices and bad choices, about how it's not ok to hit/kick/bite/slap/lay on/ or abuse people. We spend a lot of time talking about how it's ok to be angry and sad sometimes.

I don't want to give the wrong impression. I love my boys. I love them more than anything else in the whole world. But being a mom is hard. It will test every limit you can think of. It is tiring emotionally, physically, and mentally. And sometimes it sucks. Sometimes it sucks a lot.

So, if you ask me how it's going I'll probably paste on a smile, lie, and tell you how I've never been happier. Just know that sometimes what I'm really saying with my eyes is, "This sucks, and I could really use a chocolate donut."

Dear 21 year old Self

Linking up today at Jack and Sally!
 
 Dear 21-Year-Old Pippi,
 Calm down, take a deep breath. Seriously. Breathe. You have so many great things ahead of you, but you are forgetting the most important thing of all: to live RIGHT NOW.
 I get it, you've pushed yourself hard and you've come a long way. Nursing school is kicking your butt, but you've only got a year left. Enjoy it. Play a little bit. Make some friends. Really, you're going to miss these days at some point.
 Don't let some of the people around you drag you down. They will try. Oh, and that one roommate? She's a bad idea. She'll spill red kool-aid all over the carpet and never clean it up. She'll disappear for weeks at a time, and she'll never fully pay her share of the rent or utilities. You'll spend a great deal of time cleaning up after her.
 I know, you really want to get married. Wait. Don't be so worried about it. Just have some fun, play, make friends. You're so focused on what the future holds for you that you aren't living right now. And you look desperate. Really, you do. Delete all of your online dating profiles. The guys you're meeting are sleazy. And, again, none of them are right for you. There is someone out there for you, and you will meet him soon. I promise.
 Anyway, you know how you've been tossing around the idea of travel nursing? You should look into it more seriously. Don't be in such a hurry to be an adult. Enjoy your life a little bit. You'll have plenty of responsibilities soon enough. Trust me, in just over a year you will buy a condo, meet the love of your life, and begin a whirlwind of adventure.
But back to travel nursing: do it. Someday, when you're staring 30 in the face, pregnant with your second child, and have worked for the same company for 9 years you'll wish you'd taken more adventures. Plus, how great will it look on your resume?
 Also, a few more words of advice:
~Don't eat so much garbage. Cooking at home is cheaper than eating out, and the 50 (yes 50) pounds you put on during college show. Don't fool yourself into thinking otherwise.
~Call your sister. She only lives 40 minutes away, you should really spend more time with her.
~When you graduate next year apply right away for the BSN program. You can still move back to Salt Lake and finish, it's all done online.
 ~The sarcasm? It's not funny, it's mean. It's off-putting. Just be yourself, if people don't like you for who you are that's their loss. You are pretty awesome.
 That about sums it up for now. Just trust me on knowing that your life hasn't even started, and it's far from over. You have so much living left to do, so get out there and do it!!
Love,
28-Year-Old Pippi

Strong as an Ox

#14- Describe 5 of your strengths.

I don't feel like a particularly strong person most of the time. On any given day I'm doing everything I can just to stay afloat, and not necessarily playing to my strengths.

1. I know how to take charge of a group of people.  The young men and young women in our ward are working on a special music number for Mother's Day, and yours truly has been put in charge of the whole affair. Well, this past Sunday, they all met together for the first time to practice.  It was MASS CHAOS!  So, I jumped up onto the piano bench (in my skirt, no less), told the kids that if they were going to act like 1st graders I would be happy to treat them like 1st graders, "1, 2, 3, eyes on me!", and quickly got them quieted down and organized into some semblance of a choir. The young women are used to me, but I'm sure the young men think I'm a complete psycho...

2. I know how to listen. It may not always seem like I'm listening, because often I have no idea how to respond or empathize with what you are going through, but I do know how to listen.  I'm absorbing everything you tell me and filing it away to use when needed.

3. I'm a fairly decent mom. If there's one lesson that I've been taught repeatedly by T-Bone, it's patience.  From his 8-days-late arrival into this world, to the mini-tantrums on a daily basis, he keeps me on my toes.  However, I know that even someone as young as my little man needs boundaries, and he gets them.  There are times that he'll try and push me and he'll come up against a brick wall.  At the same time, I know how to just sit still and cuddle him while we read a story. I still have a lot (like, everything) to learn about being a mom, but I like to think that I'm holding my own.

4. I'm a pretty good cook.  When I met and married Greasemonkey, he was an INCREDIBLY picky eater.  What I've learned in the past 4 years, though, is that he's not picky as much as he's inexperienced. So I've been working on expanding his food acceptance. I generally try to make at least one new recipe a week, and the generally goes in my crockpot.  Ironically enough, I'm a bit of a picky eater. I will try anything at least once, though.

5. I am fiercely loyal. Once you are part of my herd, I will protect you with everything I have. I take care of my own and will do everything in my power to make sure that they are happy, healthy, and living a good life.

What makes you strong?



Enjoy the Journey

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the idea of happiness. What is it? Where does it come from? Do I create my own or does it come from outside sources? Am I truly happy?

I’ve been reading the book The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. The author takes a whole year to explore the idea of happiness. She decides what exactly makes her happy, seeks out those things, and attempts to experience the maximum amount of happiness she can. What she discovers is that happiness can come easily, but often she has to work for it.

I don’t know that I’m an innately happy person and I, probably too often, rely on outside sources for my happiness. “Happy” does not necessarily come naturally to me, it takes a lot of conscious effort and work on my part. I’ve also come to realize that the things I am often passionate about don’t always lead to a state of happiness. So, I decided to think about what really makes me happy.

I also came to realize that until I am true to who I am as a person, I’ll never achieve that true happiness that I’m searching for. So, I’m taking the example of Ms. Rubin, and I’m going to come up with my own personal happiness commandments.

1. Be Annicka (Ok, so I stole this idea directly from her, but it’s a good one). From now on I will think about whether my words, my actions, my experiences are being true to me being myself. I know this may sound self-serving, but if I’m not true to who I am as a person I will never be able to achieve happiness. I spend a lot of time being so worried about others’ perceptions of me that often I lose who I truly am.

2. Service Breeds Love. This comes down to a simple a statement given from a father to a son: Forget yourself and go to work. This is a hard one for me to remember. When I’m feeling down I always want it to be all about me. I want to throw my little pity party and mope around and have everyone feel bad for me. From now on when I feel down I will make an effort to serve those around me. I think that this attitude will assist me in finding who I am.

3. Keep it Simple. I have a tendency to complicate things, I mean, I am a woman after all. I make grand plans, I have big ideas, I always want what I do to be the biggest, brightest, and best. Sometimes my big plans make me end up in my own way. So, I will be keeping it simple.

4. Find the Humor. I have a tendency to get caught up in the minutia and stress myself out. If the baby is having a bad day, it gets to me. If my kitchen or bathroom is a mess, it gets to me. If traffic is bad and I’m late, it gets to me. And so, I will find the humor. Instead of crying, I will laugh. Instead of complaining, I will find the humor.

5. Smile. There have been many times in my life where I’ve had to live the adage “fake it ‘til you make it.” One of the underlying themes in The Happiness Project is to act how you want to feel and it will become natural. For this reason, I will smile.

6. Lose the Attitude. Sometimes, I flat out have a bad attitude. I am going to strive towards having a good attitude. I have found the gossip, backbiting, and sniping all feed into my bad attitudes. So, I will be checking my attitude at the door. I would also like to invite all of you to remind me of this.

Now, none of this is to say that I’m not happy. I am very happy. I have a wonderful husband who loves me and shows me that very thing in sweet and tender little ways. I have a sweet and gentle baby boy that teaches me something new everyday. I have a career where I get the opportunity to serve people at the most vulnerable times of their lives. I have so much in my life to be grateful for and happy about.

I just want to do all that I can to make sure that I am experiencing happiness and joy as much as I possibly can.

And so, with the beginning of this New Year, I begin on the journey of my own happiness project.

To Happiness!

Day 18: A book that disappointed you

As I've been pondering today's assignment, I've discovered something about myself. Most of the books that have disappointed me have been a part of a series. Generally, the last book in a series. For example: Breaking Dawn (anticlimactic, lame plot line, and Renesmee), and the one I'm going to write about today:

Yes, I was horribly disappointed in Mockingjay. I HATED the way it ended. I felt like it was unnecessary and brutal. I felt like it was also a bit of a cop-out. I loved the rest of the series and devoured them as soon as they came out. It was the same way with Mockingjay.

And then I got into the book. I couldn't stop reading (mostly because once I've started a series I HAVE to finish it) but it seemed to go from one horrific scene the the next.

I won't give away any spoilers for the rest of you, but just know that I was disappointed.