So, I just finished reading the book "it sucked and then i cried" by Heather Armstrong (she also has a website: www.dooce.com, for anyone interested). I highly recommend it for anyone who has ever had a baby, post-partum depression, or just wants a read that will alternately make you laugh and cry. Anyway, I loved it (making fun of Mormons aside). Something the author does, though, is write a letter to her baby every month. This is something I'm going to try and do for the Sharkbaby. I'll be out of town and away from the internet for his actual 1 month on Thursday, so I'm going to post it now.
Wow, one whole month old, already! What a month it has been, too. As I write this you are crashed out in your daddy's lap. This is a good thing, since earlier this week I couldn't get you to sleep during the day at all.
I don't ever want to lie to you, so I'm going to be completely honest and tell you that for the first few weeks I wasn't sure about you. We had a bit of a hard time getting to know each other. We just couldn't seem to figure each other out. There were times when I thought about sending you away to live at Pops and Nana's house. Then came the shift. I'll get to that in just a minute.
You see, kiddo, your mom has a disease called post-partum depression. That means, for whatever reason, when her body is trying to get normal after having a baby she gets sad. It has nothing to do with you, but it makes life kind of difficult sometimes. Add to that us not quite being able to figure each other out, and it made for some interesting times. We were both pretty stressed out for a little while, especially when it came to the whole eating thing. I could never be sure you were getting enough, but you never cried for more. Anyway, I was nervous about things so I took you into the doctor's office and had you weighed. As it turns out, you were losing weight... not a good thing. You were what Dr. Art (you'll love him!) called a "hibernator". That means instead of crying to tell me that you needed more food you would just go to sleep. So we stopped breastfeeding and switched to formula. I think it was the best decision we've ever made for you.
I am so happy that I get to see your little personality grow everyday. You are such a content and, for the most part, happy baby. You love music, noise, and being around people. For the first little while we didn't get much sleep. I left you for the night with Nana and Aunt Maddie one night last week, and I'll be honest, I cried a little when I came home. I couldn't believe I was leaving my baby with someone else overnight. I put you in your crib last night for your first night on your own. You did pretty well with it. We'll keep trying and see how things go from here.
Anyway, my sweet baby boy, know that your mom loves you very much. I'm so excited to see you grow and change everyday.