Monday, March 15, 2010

Fear Itself

So this question comes from your friend and mine... Anonymous:

What are you most afraid of/what scares you/what fills you with fear?

First of all, a few things I'm afraid of:
~Earthquakes (Ironic, considering I live on a fault line)
~Being an apartment-dweller forever.

But my biggest fear is being inadequate.

I'm afraid I'll be inadequate as a wife. I want to live up to all of my husband's expectations. I want to be attractive to him. I want to cook him tasty, nutritious meals, and I want to be the best wife for him that I can be.

I'm afraid I'll be inadequate as a mother. I don't have children yet, but I'm afraid that I'll be to quick-tempered. I'm afraid I won't be able to provide for them physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I'm afraid that they'll hate me as a mother, or worse, that they won't respect me.

I'm afraid I'll be inadequate in my career. Am I a good nurse? Am I not only competent, but also caring? Am I a good charge nurse (probably too early to tell on this one)? Can I continue to be adequate at the career I love, all while balancing my other life dimensions?

I'm afraid I'll be inadequate as a friend. I'm afraid I take more than I give. I'm afraid I monopolize my friends. Am I as good of a friend as my friends are to me?

So, I guess what I'll do is take these words from Nelson Mandela and learn to live by them:

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.

And I will learn to not be afraid.




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