On friendship...

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."

~William Blake

I have a tendency to be a bad friend. It's true, and it's something I've accepted about myself. I've tried hard to work on it, but old habits die hard. Anyway, I was feeling a little reminiscent about life today (while I couldn't sleep because Joe was active) and let me tell you exactly why I'm a bad friend:

1. I gossip. I'm a woman, I'm a nurse, and once you get me going this mouth doesn't stop moving for much. I know a woman who has a policy that she doesn't talk about anyone who isn't physically in her presence at the time of the conversation. Wow, that's dedication. I don't know if I'll ever get to that point, but I would like to try harder to not backbite. It's a horrible, nasty habit, and one I should get rid of.

2. I'm a bit of a "one-upper". If you tell a story, I will probably try and tell one bigger and better. If something weird happened to you, I can come up with a time something weirder happened to me. Again, another bad habit, and one I should break. I need to learn to let other people have their moment.

3. I'm selfish. I use the "I" word... a lot. I like to talk about myself. This one is a strange phenomenon for me, though, because it doesn't happen in the presence of casual acquaintances or strangers. I only get this way around people I consider friends. Without meaning to, I will turn almost any conversation back around to myself.

4. I don't think before I act. I do dumb stuff. A lot of dumb stuff. I generally don't consider other people's feelings before I do dumb stuff, either. As an adult, I look back at a lot of things I did and said to my friends in high school and college, and I could kick myself for it. I'm sure I made a lot of people really uncomfortable with my actions.

5. I like to be in the limelight. This is sort of the wrap up of all of the above. I like to be the center of attention sometimes. If I help with a party, it's probably because I want something out of it. If I do you a favor, I'm usually going to find some way to let it benefit me. I struggle with selfless service.

6. I have no follow through. I never call when I say I will. I rarely plan things that I should plan. You really can't rely on me for much of anything. And in the process of not following through, I'll make up excuses for why I didn't do whatever I was supposed to.

7. My feelings get hurt easily. I may not always let you know it, but if I'm not involved it stings. I like to know your secrets. If you have a club, I want to be a part of it. If you're throwing a party, I want an invitation. If I feel left out, my feelings get hurt... and I just won't tell you that they're hurt.

So, let me just finish with saying this: if my actions in any of the before-mentioned categories have affected you in any way, I apologize. And I promise I'm going to work on being a better friend.