Friday, May 28, 2010

A Little Bit of Controversy

This week I had a piece featured on Mormon Mommy Blogs. Apparently, without meaning to, I sparked quite a controversy. You see, I wrote about my plans to be a working mom. My thoughts and feelings on the subject seem to have hurt some feelings, unwittingly offended some fellow readers, raised a bit of ire in my general direction. This was not my intent. In the comments on said blog piece I have read everything from "thank you", to "I feel like I have to defend myself for being a stay at home mom", to "the prophets have counseled the women to be in the home". Apparently, by choosing to have a career as well as children, I am directly disobeying the prophet.

Let me just interject for a moment the following: if you are a stay at home mom, I applaud you. I understand that it is a full time job, and not for the faint of heart. You wear many hats and it takes a strong woman to hold her head high through that many costume changes. I have nothing against stay at home moms, and if that's what works for you family, fantastic! It was not my intent to belittle, attack, or in any way make light of the job you do. I have many close friends who have made the choice to stay at home, and I respect that a great deal.

However, I feel as though I need to explain myself a bit. (I know, anybody who disliked my piece that much isn't going to come read my personal blog, but I'll feel better). So, a few items of note:

1. I am a college educated woman. The skills that I have (and paid good money for) will not only assist me in the home, but they allow me to help others. I improve other people's lives. I did not go to college to get married. I went to college to better myself and to gain the knowledge to have a succesful nursing career.

2. I love my husband dearly, but it is not likely that any of his career choices will ever be able to solely support our family. And, rather than choosing to have me at home and him working multiple jobs, we've chosen to share the duties both in the home and in the workforce. At this point in time, we couldn't survive on his income as just the two of us, there's no way we could support a family on it.

3. My own personal sanity dictates that I need time outside the four walls of my home. Home is a haven, it's my favorite place to be, but even I get a little stir crazy if I don't get to see any other place. It is important for my own well-being as a person to experience adult interaction.

4. I don't feel like a bad member of the church for choosing to have a career. It is not a decision I have made lightly. I follow economical trends, I watch the housing market, and I keep a very tight budget for my husband and myself. The decision for me to keep a career is one that we have thought about, prayed about, and studied. We have discussed our choice with our families, church leaders, and asked for counself from our bishop.

All of that being said, let me apologize for any hurt feelings I may have cause. Again, this was not my intent. I simply ask that I be given the same courtesy I am extending to you. Judge not, lest ye be judged.

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7 comments:

Kristina P. said...

I read your piece, just now, and I agree with you. I have always thought that I would probably want to work at least part time. However, I truly have no idea what will happen when we do have kids.

And ultimately, it may not be my choice. I will probably *have* to work in order to help support my family.

I admire your courage to write that post. It's definitely not a popular opinion. I find it interesting that one of the commenters said that she always has to defend her decision to be a SAHM. I'm not sure what circles she's defending herself too, but in my experience, it's just the opposite in the LDS church.

Reid, Megan and Jackson said...

oh man, I have run into this problem so much. After I had Jackson I worked full time for the forst 18 months of his life, and then part time and now after my second baby I find myself working full time again for the time being.

I have learned that the women who are upset with me working are, in my opinion, jealous. They are jealous that I have a career that I love, a great education, and the ability and desire to contribute to my family finacially. I love working (part time is the best), and I love my children. I honestly believe that working has made me a better mother.

People need to quit projecting thier insecurities onto others. I conpletely agree with everything you said.

Being a mom is riddled with enough guilt. As mothers we need to stand together and quit judging eachother and making that guilt worse.

The Hatch Family said...

You go girl. Every situation is different and we all do what we have to. I know for me, I needed to work to keep myself sane. I loved my kids but I needed to work. It is a very personal decision between you, your husband, and the Lord.

Mary said...

Like I said on your original post, KUDOS for having the courage to voice and opinion that is widely unpopular in the LDS culture. I felt like you were inside my head when I read it! Both my parents worked or went to school my entire childhood, and it was because of my mother's decision to make her education a priority, that the family survived after the divorce.

crissy said...

Wow, seriously? I found nothing in your post that was offensive to me as a sahm.
I've never really been the "working" type. I am a homebody by nature, so staying at home with the kids seemed like the best option for me. Hubby works, and we get by. We're not wealthy, we don't own a home, but we are making it. Bills and rent are paid, and we even get to play sometimes. We've also chosen to lead a simpler life, and you know what? It's awesome. But that's just it, the life I live and love is not the life that is right for everyone.
Also, I have been very lucky, and very blessed, to be able to stay home, even though it is not always easy. At the same time, I know that there are times when moms don't really have much choice, and have to work outside of the home, even if only temporarily.
I am not offended that you plan to work after you have children, because that is your choice. So what if your plan is different than mine? Every single person is different, so why should their choices all be the same?
If you want to/have to work as a mom: do it!
If you want to/are able to stay home with your kids: go for it!
It's so petty when women get so judgemental about this with one another.

I feel like I'm rambling, but I hope I made some sort of a point. :)

Don't think twice about doing what is right for you and your family. As long as it feels right to you, then it is right!

Kendall said...

I totally agree!! If nate hadn't got into the accident then I would still be working. Even after the accident I will still try to work because I can't handle home all the time. And I love the last quote totally my motto.

Natalia said...

I'm just glad I'm not the only one who thinks that we each just need to figure out what works for us, and not worry too much about what everyone else is doing. There is no need to compare or judge one another.

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