Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Odd (Wo)Man Out

I can be a bit abrasive in social situations. When I'm uncomfortable, I tend to get loud and I use sarcasm to build a little bit of a wall around myself. This is not a news flash for myself, or for anyone who knows me well.

That being said, I have a problem with feeling left out. If some friends get together without inviting me, and I'm around when they're talking about it later, it bugs me that I wasn't invited. If there's a party or a get-together that I'm not involved in, I wonder why I never heard about it. Even if I am invited, and I can't make it, I feel left out when they talk about it.

I also have a slight paranoia that people are talking about me behind my back. If there's a whispered conversation going on around me I (usually without even thinking about it) cock an ear and try and catch what bits I can, just to make sure it's not about me. If I see a conversation happening somewhere out of my earshot, I worry that I'm the topic of conversation.

And my biggest worry? That my abrasiveness has shut me off from others socially. That the reason I think about these things is because I do them to others. Or that people just don't want me around.

So, I'm open to suggestions. Any ideas on how I can stop putting myself in the position of odd woman out?
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4 comments:

Reid, Megan and Jackson said...

I don't think you're alone in this. I think most people struggle with feeling left out and paranoid to some degree. You just have to get to the point where you don't have any dignity (like me) and you just don't care anymore!!!

Shannon said...

Hey sweet girl! This is your long lost friend Shannon. Im not sure if I have commented before, but this blog stuck something with me and I felt like I should comment :)

I am the EXACT same way, and it is something I have been trying to work on for quite sometime. Have you had experiences in the past where your friends have left you out on purpose? I know it happened to me (a lot), so ever since then I have been SUPER paranoid, and I hate it!

The thing is, I know I have made others feel that way in the past too. Completely and totally not on purpose, though. It just never even crossed my mind to invite them, even if they were my BFF. Every time I am not invited somewhere, I have to remind myself that I am sure that I have forgotten to invite someone at some point and to realize they probably are thinking the exact same thing...it probably didnt even cross their mind!

I really think it is all psychological and you feel this way because of something in your past. Just know no one is doing it on purpose because you are super loved and an amazing person!

Love ya!

The Hatch Family said...

It really doesn't matter how old we get it is always important to feel connected with people. I think it is part of human nature to feel welcomed in social gatherings. I think woman are effected by it more so than me. Sometimes we don't get invited because people know that we would be uncomfortable in that situation. Other times it is due to lack of planning or an oversight. I know that when we have gatherings at the house there are probably those who feel left out.
I know it is hard that you don't get invited but don't let it get you down. That's why God gave us families so we can always feel welcome and loved.
LOVE YOU....MOM

Kendall said...

We are like the same person I am the same way!!

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