Well, as I was typing a letter to my little missionary brother last night, I realized that I haven't blogged in quite some time. While my letter to him was in progress I began to do a little reflection on my life for the past six months (Steve and I had our six month anniversary last week).
Now, don't get me wrong... I knew that marriage was by no means a problem solver, fix-all, or whatever other term you'd like to assign to it. I knew that it was going to take hard work, dedication, and a lot (A LOT) of patience. That being said, I'm experiencing things as a newlywed, that I
never expected to encounter. Seriously, never crossed my mind. I'll be completely honest, I never expected the unexpected. I never planned for the worst. I didn't think, "That'll never happen to me" because I never thought about these things at all. The first of these being:
An unemployed husband. 5 months (almost to the day) after we joined the ranks of the blissfully wedded, Steve lost his job... and he still hasn't found another. Now, I know what you're thinking, "A month unemployed, that's not bad at all! Some people go for years!" Here's my reply to you glass-half-full-ers. True, a month is not a terribly long time, some people do go for years. But really, as a newlywed, do you ever plan for this scenario? We didn't. From day one I've always been the primary bread-winner. I knew it, he knew it... but it was always under the assumption that it wouldn't stay that way. Someday I'd be able to cut back to part time, stay home with kids, yada yada. Well, now I'm not only the primary breadwinner, I'm the
only breadwinner. We live solely off my income and the small amount we get from unemployment. This may not seem like a challenge to some of you, but let me give you a little background look at our finances. Before we were married I was a single girl living on a new-grad nurse's income (about 40k a year). Not bad money. Then when we tied the knot we also tied our bank accounts together. We reduced our debt and combined our incomes. As a newlywed couple we got used to a very comfortable lifestyle. We could eat out when we wanted to, go to movies, Jazz games, plays, etc, and not have to worry about being financially burdened.
I think you can see where I'm going with this... living on a budget has been a big, nay, HUGE lifestyle change for me. I know, marriage isn't supposed to be about "me", but I need to get this off my chest. Prior to our marriage, Steve lived very much hand-to-mouth, paycheck to paycheck. He's used to living tight and making it work. Really, except for the giant boredom factor, I think he's taking the whole "lay-off" situation better than I am.
Secondly: (For the sake of possible younger readers, naive minds, etc, this next chunk will be written in a "code" of sorts)
Marriage is about communication. There are all kinds of communication: talking, listening, body language, and in the case of a healthy marriage... making soup. I get it, making soup is a healthy part of a marriage. It is necessary to feel close to each other emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. Don't get me wrong, I knew before I got married, that men like to make soup (in general) a lot more than women do. In fact, men
need to make soup on a regular basis. Me, I don't need to make soup so often. I never expected to have hang-ups about "cooking", but I do. I don't feel adequate in my culinary skills (Again, a little background: Steve is essentially a convert to the church. Before he decided to make some life changes 4 years ago, he led and "interesting" lifestyle, much different from my own. Hence, he came into the marriage with a lot more experience and knowledge than myself). I don't always feel like I know how to make the kind of soup he likes. I don't know if he's happy with the soup I'm making him now. And really, the biggest thing, I don't know how to enjoy making soup more often. Anyway, I know that using other forms of communication is the only way to solve this particular problem, I just need to find the courage to gather up my cooking utensils and get to cookin'.
And last, but not least: (If medical issues make you squeamish, I would quit reading now)
We haven't been making a lot of soup at our house lately, because there has been a sort of "leak in my kitchen" if you will... okay, it's a big issue. This leak, that normally isn't much of a problem, has been going on for almost 3 weeks now. And (I'm sorry, there's really no delicate way to put this), I've been passing a lot of clots.
A lot of clots. I blame my birth control. Now, here comes the catch-22: I would
love to go off the birth control. I hate the stuff. I hate the way it screws with my emotions, messes up my kitchen leak schedule, and all around how it makes me feel. But, I can't. I feel like we're still too newly married to risk getting pregnant right now, and really, in our financial situation it could be a total disaster. Anyway, when I contacted the doctor's office about it I was told that this is "normal" and I shouldn't worry about it. Okay, correct me if I'm wrong, but I remember a little bit from nursing school (and an even littler bit from high school health class), but 3 weeks is NOT normal. At all. Anyway, I have an appointment on the 24th, which can't get here soon enough.
Anyway, now that I've gotten a few things off my chest, I would like to end this little rant session with these parting words:
I have never, ever, not for one second, regretted getting married. Steve is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. He balances me in ways he doesn't even know. He is smart, funny, and so loving to everyone around him. He will make a great father, and is already a great husband. I love him more with everyday and look forward to an eternity of getting to know him better than I already do. He completes me.
That's right, she's a mini dachsund, and isn't she cute as a button?I just can't bring myself to pay $450 for a dog and then subject it to our apartment style of life. Plus we can't really handle the $300 deposit it would take to allow a dog into our home. Alas, I'll still dream.
