Friday, September 14, 2012

A bit of a whine

I'm not feeling so hot today. Physically, there isn't anything wrong with me, but in my heart I'm hurting. You see, I was supposed to be having a baby next month. True story.  You can read the background here. I've since come to the realization that it wasn't time for us to have another one yet.  T-bone needs me right now, and he needs me all to himself.  I get that.  Emotionally, I'm not ready for another baby yet (you can read more on the "why" of that here).
Anyway, not the point, let me get back to that... The point is this:
In the past year I have had no fewer than 25 friends announce pregnancies. I wish that were a gross exaggeration, but it's not.  If anything, it's an underestimate. In the past 3 days, I've seen at least 5 new announcements, not to mention a phone call from a friend of Greasemonkey's saying that they'd actually just birthed a 3rd child that we didn't know they were expecting.
And all of it kind of hurts. I know, I don't have anything to complain about.  I have several friends that, for whatever reason, aren't able to have children without medical intervention, or can't have children at all.  I am so blessed to know that my body has the ability to get pregnant and carry a baby to full term. I am so blessed to have my sweet T-bone. And I'm so happy for all of my friends expecting children. This isn't to take away from their joy, not in the least. I know that many of them have waited a long time for the children they are expecting. I know that they will be wonderful parents and that they will love their babies with everything they have.
I know it's not our time yet, but it still hurts.


Meg said...

It's okay to grieve Selkie. I still do it all the time. Life is not fair, not even close. The year after we lost Clayton there were 7 babies born to our siblings, with a set of twins and a set of triplets in there. And here I am still without a baby and surrounded by babies everywhere I turn, I can't get away from it. I really do love my nieces and nephews and friends kids, but if I'm feeling especially sad one day I wont go to a family party or a baby shower. Because I care about myself and my feelings and I know my limits. It doesn't make me a bad person or mean that I'm a jealous bitter woman. I just take a day to be sad and move on. And hug my boy so tight and cuddle in his bed for a while because he is growing up so fast. Sorry this is so long... but I feel your pain with you Selkie, and it's okay to feel bad sometimes. And then go get a cherry limeaid cream slush from Sonic and listen to some Mumford and Sons for a while. :). Love you cute girl!


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