On Motherhood

Having young children is not easy. Many days are just difficult.

~Elder Neil L. Andersen

With it being the Sharkbaby's first birthday so recently I've been doing a lot of reflecting on being a mother, but for some reason I have been having a terribly difficult time actually writing this post.

I started this phase of my life a little disillusioned. I was under the impression that motherhood would come naturally to me. I'd seen my friends transition effortlessly into the role of Mom. I'd watched people around me shower their children with love, affection, and kindness, all while setting up boundaries and discipline. I thought I could do it, too.

I spent my 40 weeks of pregnancy imagining how wonderful my life would be, how much joy this sweet little boy would bring to my life. I had hopes, dreams, and plans. I'm somewhat ashamed to admit that I had a list of "nevers." You know what I mean: I'll never get upset when my baby wakes up in the middle of the night, I'll never take my children home from church in the middle of the block, I'll never let my baby use a binky or a bottle after his first birthday. However, I'm not ashamed at all to admit that I've broken pretty much every "never" on my list.

Being a mom is hard. It is a never-ending; 24/7; day shift, night shift, swing shift job.

But being a mom is also so easy. When I hold that sweet little boy in my arms my heart fills with so much love I think I might burst. When he cuddles up on my lap at bedtime to read stories I feel more fulfilled than any other time in my life. When I see him smile and call out "Daaaa-deee" when his dad gets home from work, I experience a joy that I never knew existed. I think about him constantly. I pray without ceasing for him. I worry and I hope and I dream and I plan.

Motherhood has not come easily to me. I work hard at it every second of everyday. I cry, sometimes I yell, I lose patience, and I get so sick of singing "If you're happy and you know it" that I could puke.

But I wouldn't trade those sticky little hand prints on my fridge for the cleanest kitchen in the world. I wouldn't trade my stretch marks and loose skin for six-pack abs. I wouldn't trade the sleepless nights for a solid 8 hours.

I wouldn't trade this terrible, mixed up, crazy, emotional, wonderful, amazing, life-changing for anything.