Giving thanks, but not Thanksgiving

As this is the month of Thanksgiving, I've been pondering the giving of thanks (deep, right?). I'm terrible about sending thank you notes. I always have been, and I probably always will be. In fact, I think I've got some still laying around from when I got married 5 years ago.

Anyway, the point:
I've decided to blog a giant thank you note to everyone that has helped me out in the past little while. So, here goes.

Thank you for listening.
Thank you for being a friend.
Thank you for the meals.
Thank you for not judging me.
Thank you for making me smile.
Thank you for watching my boys so I could have some time away.
Thank you for the words of encouragement.
Thank you for crying with me.
Thank you for the hugs.
Thank you for the advice.
Thank you for the naps.
Thank you for smiling at me.
Thank you for telling me it'll get better.
Thank you for reminding me to enjoy today.
Thank you for your patience.
Thank you for enduring my never-ending stream of pictures and stories.
Thank you for letting me talk about nothing but my children.
Thank you for not staring when we're all collectively losing it in the grocery store.
Thank you for holding my hand on hard days.
Thank you for telling me how beautiful my kids are.
Thank you for telling me how beautiful I am.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, and thank you again. Words cannot express my gratitude at being blessed by the wonderful people in my life.

The one about hair

Buckle up, kids, there's gonna be a crapload of pictures in this post. So, I've had a few people asking lately about how long it took to grow my hair our, tips and tricks, and a line up of pics. First, we'll do pictures (ignore the growing pregnant belly, tracking my hair growth while documenting my belly seemed like the easiest way to remember to take a monthly picture), and then I'll do tips and tricks at the end. Ready, set, go!

October 2012, my last pixie cut

November 2012, 1 month in

January 2013, 3 months in

 February 2013, 4 months

 March 2013, 5 months

 April 2013, 6 months

 May 2013, 7 months (flat iron waves)

 June 2013, 8 months (Almost looks like I cut it this length on purpose)

 July 2013, 9 months (long enough to tuck)

August 2013, 10 months (Able to do my natural curls) 

 Still August 2013, I just had to show how miserable I looked being hugely pregnant at the end of The. Hottest. Summer. EVER.

 October 2013, A full year of growth

 November 2013, I actually took length off with my last cut. 

It's amazing what a difference a year can make! My hair isn't long, by any means, but it feels long to me. I can feel it brushing the back of my neck and it still takes me by surprise occasionally. 

Now, how did I do it?  Patience. Lots of it. Seriously, though, it was a combination of a couple of things. I have a fantastic stylist that held my hand through the whole process. She made me come in and get regular mullet trims, because for whatever reason the back grows about a gazillion times faster than the front. She worked with me to get me through the 4 months of awkwardness that happened in the middle there. 

Secondly, I only wash twice, maybe three times, a week. My hair is naturally very dry, so the extra oil from less frequent washings kept it nice and strong. If you feel like you're getting too oily, invest in some dry shampoo. Washing with shampoo every day is really pretty bad for your hair. It strips the natural oils and causes breakage. 

I also recommend deep conditioning. I just use plain old coconut oil and do it about twice a month. You just slather it all over your hair, throw on a shower cap, and let it soak in for 30 minutes or so. Then you carry on with washing and styling like normal. Speaking of styling, heat style as little as you can get away with. For me, this meant drying my hair straight twice a week. Once it's like that I can leave it for several days without having to do anything at all to it.

The last thing is nutrition. Make sure you're eating a balanced diet and taking in enough calories. I would also suggest taking a multivitamin, probably prenatal, and a biotin or hair/skin/nail supplement.

So, there you have it, my (totally not a professional) opinion on how to grow out a pixie cut. Seriously the best tool in your arsenal is going to be patience. 

My body IS a wonderland

Ok, all of my delightful readers. It's time to chat. But first, I want to show you a few things:

This is all what is considered "thinspiration." The "nothing tastes" quote is actually available embroidered on pillows, printed on t-shirts, and even as a HUGE vinyl decal to put on the front of your fridge.

I consider it a part of an even bigger, over all, problem. Something known as "body shaming."

"Body shaming is defined as inappropriate negative statements and attitudes toward another person's weight or size. It can also reach into the discrimination against individuals who may be overweight. In particular, there are negative attitudes in the media and elsewhere about celebrities who are "too fat" or who have not gotten rid of "baby weight" in an appropriate amount of time. A backlash against body shaming has resulted in the coining of the term itself and attempts to bring a more positive attitude toward diverse body sizes and styles." (From this site) 

Now let me show you one more thing:

Is it any wonder that we have unreal expectations of beauty? 

This morning I read a post from a female body builder. She mentioned that there are people who have attacked her for her shape, size, and choice to be a body builder. I looked through a few of her Facebook photos and for every positive comment there was a negative one to match. This woman was beautiful, and yet she was getting called ugly over and over again. 

Why? Why is our culture so obsessed with how we, and other people look?  Was this woman hurting anyone with the way she looks? 

We all do it, and I'm no exception. I'll look at people in the grocery store and think, "Really? That was her best choice for what to wear today? She does know that shirt is meant for someone half her size, right?" But it's wrong, and it's mean, and it doesn't help anyone.And yet, how can we expect to accept anyone else for the way they look when we can't even accept ourselves.

 I'm a big girl, anyone who looks at me can see that right away. I don't consider myself fat or ugly, but according to society's standards of acceptable beauty, I am both of those things. I fall into the obese range on the BMI scale (don't even get me started on that can of worms!). My nose is too long. I have carried and birthed two babies, both over 9 pounds, so I have some serious loose skin and stretch marks. I have enormous feet. My hips are wider than my ribcage. I most definitely don't have a thigh gap, visible hip bones, a flat stomach, or toned arms. And all of that is okay!  I have a beautiful spirit and the body that contains it reflects that. This body is mine. No, it isn't perfect, but it is beautiful.    

We are our own worst critics.

So, today, I am sending out a plea to women everywhere. Stop it!  Stop the shame, the hate, and the anger. Love your body, because it is yours!  Take care of it to be healthy, not because you are ashamed of how you look. Look another woman in the eyes and tell her how beautiful she is (and mean it!). And ladies, when someone tells you how beautiful you are, just say thank you. Don't brush off the compliment. Don't immediately put yourself down. Because, you want to know a secret? You are beautiful!  Tall, short, thin, fat, muscular, blonde, brunette, freckled, disproportionate, it doesn't matter. Join the "Love Your Body" revolution. 

2 Months

My Sweet Little Squish,
Oh my goodness!  I can't believe it's been 2 months already. It has gone so quickly, and I'm having so much fun with you.  You are a happy and smiley little man.  You love to coo and laugh at us.
You are so very content and love to just sit and watch what's going on around you. You like to be around people and get fussy when you're left alone. You love music and singing. You like to be around noise and get so calm when I vacuum.
You are getting stronger everyday. Your neck is still a little weak and wobbly, and your head is still a bit lopsided. We see the pediatrician in a few days and we will see if you end up wearing a helmet or not. Otherwise you're healthy, and for the most part, happy boy. You don't cry often, but when you do you really get going. You've got a wail and a shriek that can make someone's hair stand on end.
You are a pretty decent sleeper. We've got you down to just one feeding at night, but you still wake up and need to be re-binkied every now and then. We're getting ready to move you into T-Bone's room fairly soon, but we want to make sure that you are both sleeping pretty well and won't wake each other up.
I am so excited to watch you keep learning and growing. Everyday you seem to amaze me with some little aspect of your personality. I love you so much, little Squishy!
Love,
Momma

O's 1 Month

My Sweet Squishy Little O,
I can't believe you've been a part of my life for a month already. You are such a sweet boy. You love to just hang out with the family and watch what's going on around you. You also love to snuggle. You are very much a cuddlebug.
You are a very mellow baby and don't cry often at all. However, your days and nights have been a bit mixed up, so your daddy and I have been spending a lot of quality time with you in the middle of the night.
One thing I should probably mention is that you've got a little bit of what's called torticullis. Because you were such a big baby (almost 10 pounds!), you were a bit squished when you were inside me. Unfortunately this means that your neck and head were scrunched at a strange angle. So, you have a tendency to look to the right, and your head is cocked that way a little bit. We've been doing some stretching exercises and working on strengthening your neck. Your head is still a little bit lopsided, but it's adorable (and will round out).
Your brother loves you a lot, sometimes a little bit too much. We're working with him on being soft and gentle with you. He doesn't quite understand that you are still pretty fragile. He wants to play with you, and has a hard time realizing that all you want to do is sleep, eat, and poop.
I love you so much, my little Squish. Keep growing and learning.
Love,
Momma

How's it Going?

"So, how's it going?"

I have heard this question more often than any other in the last few weeks. Everyone seems to ask how it's going. I wonder how many of them want an honest answer.

I know what people want to hear from a new mom (whether for the first time or somewhere further down the line). They want to hear about how fabulous it is. How your baby is an angel baby that sleeps through the night, eats like a champ, and has a sweet disposition. They want to hear that you've never felt better. That you're so star-struck with your new little one that you just want to look into his or her eyes all day.  They want to hear about how much your older child loves the baby. That he's a good helper who is always gentle and kind to the baby. People want sunshine and roses and sappy-happiness.

But here's the truth:

It kind of sucks. In fact, some days it sucks a lot.

I really do have an angel baby. He is mellow, happy, and content to just hang out. He loves to snuggle. He is a great sleeper... during the day. He eats like a champ, but he also spits up a lot.

The truth is that most of the time, I don't remember the last time I showered. I've worn nothing but yoga pants and old race t-shirts for almost a month now. And sleep? Forget about it. Between middle of the night feedings, a 2-year-old that only naps sometimes, and a newborn that is possibly the noisiest sleeper EVER, I'm awake a lot. There are days that I wake up with a nervous pit in my stomach wondering how I'm going to survive the day until Greasemonkey gets home from work. And some days I'm hanging onto the sanity cliff by one little finger by the time he does get home.  The truth is that I cry. A lot. Some days we go run fake errands, just so the boys will both be strapped into their car seats and I don't have to entertain for a little while.

The truth is that T-Bone is angry. He hasn't asked me to send the baby back, but there have definitely been some hard feelings surface since we brought Little O home. He's been aggressive, defiant, and argumentative. The truth is that we spend a lot of time talking about good choices and bad choices, about how it's not ok to hit/kick/bite/slap/lay on/ or abuse people. We spend a lot of time talking about how it's ok to be angry and sad sometimes.

I don't want to give the wrong impression. I love my boys. I love them more than anything else in the whole world. But being a mom is hard. It will test every limit you can think of. It is tiring emotionally, physically, and mentally. And sometimes it sucks. Sometimes it sucks a lot.

So, if you ask me how it's going I'll probably paste on a smile, lie, and tell you how I've never been happier. Just know that sometimes what I'm really saying with my eyes is, "This sucks, and I could really use a chocolate donut."

Dear 21 year old Self

Linking up today at Jack and Sally!
 
 Dear 21-Year-Old Pippi,
 Calm down, take a deep breath. Seriously. Breathe. You have so many great things ahead of you, but you are forgetting the most important thing of all: to live RIGHT NOW.
 I get it, you've pushed yourself hard and you've come a long way. Nursing school is kicking your butt, but you've only got a year left. Enjoy it. Play a little bit. Make some friends. Really, you're going to miss these days at some point.
 Don't let some of the people around you drag you down. They will try. Oh, and that one roommate? She's a bad idea. She'll spill red kool-aid all over the carpet and never clean it up. She'll disappear for weeks at a time, and she'll never fully pay her share of the rent or utilities. You'll spend a great deal of time cleaning up after her.
 I know, you really want to get married. Wait. Don't be so worried about it. Just have some fun, play, make friends. You're so focused on what the future holds for you that you aren't living right now. And you look desperate. Really, you do. Delete all of your online dating profiles. The guys you're meeting are sleazy. And, again, none of them are right for you. There is someone out there for you, and you will meet him soon. I promise.
 Anyway, you know how you've been tossing around the idea of travel nursing? You should look into it more seriously. Don't be in such a hurry to be an adult. Enjoy your life a little bit. You'll have plenty of responsibilities soon enough. Trust me, in just over a year you will buy a condo, meet the love of your life, and begin a whirlwind of adventure.
But back to travel nursing: do it. Someday, when you're staring 30 in the face, pregnant with your second child, and have worked for the same company for 9 years you'll wish you'd taken more adventures. Plus, how great will it look on your resume?
 Also, a few more words of advice:
~Don't eat so much garbage. Cooking at home is cheaper than eating out, and the 50 (yes 50) pounds you put on during college show. Don't fool yourself into thinking otherwise.
~Call your sister. She only lives 40 minutes away, you should really spend more time with her.
~When you graduate next year apply right away for the BSN program. You can still move back to Salt Lake and finish, it's all done online.
 ~The sarcasm? It's not funny, it's mean. It's off-putting. Just be yourself, if people don't like you for who you are that's their loss. You are pretty awesome.
 That about sums it up for now. Just trust me on knowing that your life hasn't even started, and it's far from over. You have so much living left to do, so get out there and do it!!
Love,
28-Year-Old Pippi