Press Forward

My favorite scripture is 2 Nephi 31:20.  I'd never thought much about it until it was the theme scripture for the year I worked at Brighton.  Something about it, though, just sort of stuck with me.

Anyway, I haven't really been where I need to be spiritually, lately. For whatever reason it's the simple things like scripture reading, prayer, etc, that seem to fall by the wayside when life picks up speed. 

However, this week has reminded me of this scripture.  I love the if/then pattern of it's set up:

If I do the following things:
~Press forward with a steadfastness in Christ
~Have a perfect brightness of hope
~Have a love of God
~Have a love of all men
~Feast upon the word of Christ
~Endure to the end

Then I will have eternal life. 

Seems easy enough, right? You would think so...

Another scripture that I love is Psalms 46:10 (Also found in Doctrine and Covenants 101:16).

Life is a crazy 3-ring-circus juggling act.  Often, I feel like I have so many balls to keep in the air that I don't know how I can carry on a moment more.  It's times like these that I need to remember that it's ok to let them drop.  It's ok to just take some time to be still.  It is in the still and quiet moments that I can truly come to know my Heavenly Father. 

I need to learn to seize the still moments when they present themselves, for they don't come often. 

In the midst of the political, work, emotional, personal, and day-to-day turmoil it is nice to know that I have an anchor in my Heavenly Father.  Even if the winds and the waves toss me about, he can calm the storm of my troubled heart.

Weak

#13- Describe 5 weaknesses you have.

I don't think anyone really likes to think about their weaknesses. I know it makes me uncomfortable. But, I promised to honestly answer all of these questions, so I'll do it regardless...

1. Food: Yes, food is one of my weaknesses (I am aware that this is not the kind of weakness you all were expecting, but it's my blog...).  There is a reason that I have been overweight my whole life. I love food, and I love to eat. I am a comfort eater. When I am sad, I eat. When I am happy, I eat. When I am at a social gathering, I eat. When I am alone, I eat. Therefore, food equals weakness. 

2. Sarcasm: I use sarcasm as a shield. In all honesty, I am an incredibly awkward person.  I have a difficult time making immediate connections with other human beings. When I am uncomfortable my sarcasm rears it's ugly head, no matter how hard I fight it.

3. Laziness: My husband's standard line for any activity/chore/whatever that he doesn't finish is "I got lazy."  In fact, we often joke that when he dies, I'm going to put "I was going to keep living, but I got lazy" on his tombstone. But the truth is, I'm just as lazy. I'd rather play Words With Friends than vacuum the floor. I'd rather read a book than weed the front yard. I'd rather play on Pinterest while watching reruns of How I Met Your Mother than fold laundry. It's just the way it is.

4. Shopping: I am a compulsive shopper. If I have a spare half hour, I can guarantee you'll find me cruising through Target or Old Navy. I love the thrill of finding a good bargain. I like the little high I get from buying new things. When I'm bored my mind automatically wanders to where I could be shopping, what I could be buying, to new things.

5. Feelings of Inadequacy: I know for a fact that this is a common problem among women.  This is evidenced purely by the fact that I can think of at least 20 people that either repinned or facebooked THIS article. However, it is so difficult to not compare ourselves.  I feel inadequate as a mom when I run out of patience. I feel adequate as a nurse when I lose my compassion for a patient. I feel inadequate as a wife when the house is a mess and dinner isn't on the table. I feel inadequate as a friend when I forget a birthday, choose to text instead of call, or bow out of plans. The problem is, who defined "adequate?"

So, what is one of your weaknesses?

On Motherhood

Having young children is not easy. Many days are just difficult.

~Elder Neil L. Andersen

With it being the Sharkbaby's first birthday so recently I've been doing a lot of reflecting on being a mother, but for some reason I have been having a terribly difficult time actually writing this post.

I started this phase of my life a little disillusioned. I was under the impression that motherhood would come naturally to me. I'd seen my friends transition effortlessly into the role of Mom. I'd watched people around me shower their children with love, affection, and kindness, all while setting up boundaries and discipline. I thought I could do it, too.

I spent my 40 weeks of pregnancy imagining how wonderful my life would be, how much joy this sweet little boy would bring to my life. I had hopes, dreams, and plans. I'm somewhat ashamed to admit that I had a list of "nevers." You know what I mean: I'll never get upset when my baby wakes up in the middle of the night, I'll never take my children home from church in the middle of the block, I'll never let my baby use a binky or a bottle after his first birthday. However, I'm not ashamed at all to admit that I've broken pretty much every "never" on my list.

Being a mom is hard. It is a never-ending; 24/7; day shift, night shift, swing shift job.

But being a mom is also so easy. When I hold that sweet little boy in my arms my heart fills with so much love I think I might burst. When he cuddles up on my lap at bedtime to read stories I feel more fulfilled than any other time in my life. When I see him smile and call out "Daaaa-deee" when his dad gets home from work, I experience a joy that I never knew existed. I think about him constantly. I pray without ceasing for him. I worry and I hope and I dream and I plan.

Motherhood has not come easily to me. I work hard at it every second of everyday. I cry, sometimes I yell, I lose patience, and I get so sick of singing "If you're happy and you know it" that I could puke.

But I wouldn't trade those sticky little hand prints on my fridge for the cleanest kitchen in the world. I wouldn't trade my stretch marks and loose skin for six-pack abs. I wouldn't trade the sleepless nights for a solid 8 hours.

I wouldn't trade this terrible, mixed up, crazy, emotional, wonderful, amazing, life-changing for anything.

Forget-me-not

I had a ticket to attend Women's Conference at the conference center. I opted instead to walk with the Englishes, Curious George, and the Sharkbaby in the Light the Night walk to benefit the Leukemia and Lymphoma society. I don't, for even one second, regret the choice that I made. Let me explain to you why:

I'd read on Facebook comments from enormous amounts of women that President Uchtdorf's talk was fantastic, that is was written just for them, and how wonderful the conference was.

I felt a little twinge at that, that I'd missed the opportunity to hear this great man speak to our souls. I felt a little sad that I'd missed out on the opportunity to join with a group of my ward sisters, and sisters in the gospel, to lift each other up.

I kept telling myself that I needed to read the talk. If everyone was talking about it, writing about it, etc, that it must be amazing. And then life happened. I could make excuses for why I didn't get around to it. I had to grocery shop, I have a baby to take care of, I work, I'm in school, blahblahblah. The truth is, I forgot that I wanted to read it. Like so many other "gospel" things, it got pushed lower on my priority list. It lost place to being a mom, keeping house, work, and all of the other things that I use to fill my time.

And then this week exploded. For whatever reason I've been moody, emotional, exhausted, and not able to sleep well. Sharkleton has been extra-clingy. The house seems to be in a constant state of upheaval. It's just been one of those weeks.

Anyway, back to my point... I came into work tonight and noticed one of my sweet CNA's reading the talk. I mentioned that I'd heard about it, and that at some point I should make time to read it. Within 5 minutes, she walked up to me, handed me her copy, and told me to take the time right then. I think she was inspired.

I took advantage of a few quiet moments to read the words of that dear man, and the pierced me to my very soul. I know that every other LDS woman feels this way right now, but I can honestly say that talk was for me. My Heavenly Father knew what I needed to hear, and he needed to remind me of some priorities. However, I was chastened and reminded in the most gentle and loving way possible.

"...we spend so much time and energy comparing ourselves to others—usually comparing our weaknesses to their strengths. This drives us to create expectations for ourselves that are impossible to meet. As a result, we never celebrate our good efforts because they seem to be less than what someone else does.

Everyone has strengths and weaknesses.

It’s wonderful that you have strengths.

And it is part of your mortal experience that you do have weaknesses.

...

Sisters, wherever you are, whatever your circumstances may be, you are not forgotten. No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you with an infinite love.

Just think of it: You are known and remembered by the most majestic, powerful, and glorious Being in the universe! You are loved by the King of infinite space and everlasting time!

He who created and knows the stars knows you and your name—you are the daughters of His kingdom."

There was a reason I needed that on this day at this time. There was a reason that I needed to wait a few extra days to read these wonderful expired words. So, I will strive my hardest to forget them not, because I am not forgotten.