Dear 21 year old Self

Linking up today at Jack and Sally!
 
 Dear 21-Year-Old Pippi,
 Calm down, take a deep breath. Seriously. Breathe. You have so many great things ahead of you, but you are forgetting the most important thing of all: to live RIGHT NOW.
 I get it, you've pushed yourself hard and you've come a long way. Nursing school is kicking your butt, but you've only got a year left. Enjoy it. Play a little bit. Make some friends. Really, you're going to miss these days at some point.
 Don't let some of the people around you drag you down. They will try. Oh, and that one roommate? She's a bad idea. She'll spill red kool-aid all over the carpet and never clean it up. She'll disappear for weeks at a time, and she'll never fully pay her share of the rent or utilities. You'll spend a great deal of time cleaning up after her.
 I know, you really want to get married. Wait. Don't be so worried about it. Just have some fun, play, make friends. You're so focused on what the future holds for you that you aren't living right now. And you look desperate. Really, you do. Delete all of your online dating profiles. The guys you're meeting are sleazy. And, again, none of them are right for you. There is someone out there for you, and you will meet him soon. I promise.
 Anyway, you know how you've been tossing around the idea of travel nursing? You should look into it more seriously. Don't be in such a hurry to be an adult. Enjoy your life a little bit. You'll have plenty of responsibilities soon enough. Trust me, in just over a year you will buy a condo, meet the love of your life, and begin a whirlwind of adventure.
But back to travel nursing: do it. Someday, when you're staring 30 in the face, pregnant with your second child, and have worked for the same company for 9 years you'll wish you'd taken more adventures. Plus, how great will it look on your resume?
 Also, a few more words of advice:
~Don't eat so much garbage. Cooking at home is cheaper than eating out, and the 50 (yes 50) pounds you put on during college show. Don't fool yourself into thinking otherwise.
~Call your sister. She only lives 40 minutes away, you should really spend more time with her.
~When you graduate next year apply right away for the BSN program. You can still move back to Salt Lake and finish, it's all done online.
 ~The sarcasm? It's not funny, it's mean. It's off-putting. Just be yourself, if people don't like you for who you are that's their loss. You are pretty awesome.
 That about sums it up for now. Just trust me on knowing that your life hasn't even started, and it's far from over. You have so much living left to do, so get out there and do it!!
Love,
28-Year-Old Pippi

Memoir

I promise, there is a Yellowstone post in the works.  In the meantime, we'll carry on with the list:

#20- Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.

"Pat your tummy with a pat, pat, patty-pat, patty-patty-pat-pat-poo."  I'm pretty sure that was the song that was playing when the event occurred.  But, I get ahead of myself.  Let me set the scene: a long time ago my grandparents lived in a big house in Holladay. If you went up the million stairs and were brave enough to run past the witch that lived in the computer room at the top of the stairs (seriously, a room FULL of computers), you would reach the small apartment over their garage. Our parents would often send us up there to play while they did parent stuff downstairs. Well, one day (probably a Sunday, that's when we usually all went to visit) there were a bunch of the cousins playing up there.  Our parents had set us up with some toys, the Sesame Street record, and told us to have a good time.  One of us, I don't remember who, decided that we needed to explore what was inside the beanbag that was up there.  So, we unzipped the zipper, and were so excited to find little foam pellets in there.  We had a blast throwing them at each other, jumping in the bag to make them poof everywhere, and just making a general mess. Probably stunned that none of us had some down to tattle in awhile, one of the parents came up to investigate. What they found was a snowstorm of foam beanbag filling.  They wanted to be angry, you could see it in their faces, but they were too amused.  They dragged the shopvac up the stairs, put us in a line, and vacuumed us off one by one as they sent us out the door.

My family used to have the most wicked car ever.  Seriously.  I'm not even kidding.  It was an old (I use the term "old" relatively, I think it was from the 80's), diesel Suburban. It was rad. The middle bench seat folded down completely so there was an enormous amount of space between the back seat and the front seats.  Well, one day my sister and I were playing barbies, and probably getting underfoot of my mom, so she asked us to take the barbies somewhere else to play.  We got the brilliant idea to take them out to the Suburban.  We folded down the middle seats, hauled all of our crap into the back of the car, and proceeded to play barbies back there for hours.  It was a dang good time.  F'reals.

Once upon a time I was the only girl in a primary class with 5 boys.  There were other girls my age, but they were all born the year before me, so they ended up in the class ahead of mine, but I digress.  One day we were all sitting in class like good little children (ha!) when someone noticed a fly buzzing around.  Let me tell you, a fly is incredibly distracting to a room full of 8 year old boys. Anyway, one kid decided he was going to take it upon himself to do away with the fly.  He spent several minutes tracking it and trying to kill it.  Finally, it landed on the window.  This kid, we'll call him Karl (that is his name, after all), crept up on the fly, slowly raised his fist into the air, and then BLAM!!!  He got the fly.  He also ended up putting his fist through the window.  True story.

Accomplished

#16- What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?

My definition of accomplishment has changed in the last year or so.  Some days my greatest accomplishment is taking a shower and getting dressed. Some days it goes as far as completing a sewing project.  But as for my top five of all time?  Here we go:

1. This face right here:

That sweet little slice of toddler heaven is my number one accomplishment.  Not only did I grow this child inside me for the better part of a year, I get to spend everyday watching him learn and grow. He may still be a work in progress, but he is still my #1.

2. My marriage.  It took me 4 months to convince Greasemonkey that he even wanted to date me, but once I had him hooked things just fell into place.

Once again, it is still a work in progress... every day of my life it's a work in progress. But finding the perfect man for me, and growing closer together every single day is the second great accomplishment of my life.

3. My career. I worked dang hard to end up where I have in my profession.  It took me 4 years of college to get my associates degree (lame, I know), and then the passing of nursing boards, but all of that just makes me appreciate it more. Because of my chosen line of work I get the opportunity to help people and change lives every. single. day. I am nurse, hear me roar.

4. Life long friendships.

I have known all of the amazing women in this picture for 15 years.  15 years!!! That's longer than we'd been alive when we met. These women are my life long friends.  Together we have seen junior high, high school, college, marriage, and children.  We may not see each other often, but when we do, it's like no time has passed between visits.  

5. Day to day life.  Sometimes, just making it through a day and collapsing into bed in one piece is the greatest accomplishment of all. 'Nough said...

Well, That's Embarrassing!

#10- Describe your most embarrassing moment.

But I learned that there's a certain character that can be built from embarrassing yourself endlessly. If you can sit happy with embarrassment, there's not much else that can really get to ya.
~Christian Bale

I'm not an easily embarrassed person, I gave up on that a long time ago. I'm constantly doing something to make a fool of myself. However, there are a few times I can think of. There's that time in junior high that I fell UP the stairs... in front of the basketball team. Or the time I was in a job interview and forgot where I went to college (true story... I still got offered the job).

The time that really sticks out to me, though, is when I was in my second year of nursing school. I'd already been working in the healthcare field for a few years, so blood, poop, etc didn't really bother me anymore. Let me set the scene for you:

We were sitting in lab, where we were required to wear lab jackets over our clothes or scrubs. It was an unusually warm early spring day, so the building thermostat was still set for colder weather. We were studying post-partum care, and learning about lochia (if you don't know what that is, you probably don't want to know).

So, there we were, looking at different (lab created) examples of what lochia looked like. My stomach started feeling a little queasy, but I figured it was just because I'd skipped lunch that day and it was going on 3 o'clock. I figured I'd sit on one of the hospital beds and just relax for a minute. As I'm sitting there I break out into a cold sweat and start to get tunnel vision. I remember thinking that it sounded like my professor was talking through a concrete wall.

The next thing I know I'm opening my eyes and staring up at my classmates from the floor. A couple of the guys helped me onto the hospital bed while one of my other classmates checked my vital signs. My professor opened up her lunch box, handed me a little cup of peanut butter and a spoon, and told me to start eating.

So, there you have it, in black and white: my most embarrassing moment. I will forever be known as the girl who passed out in the postpartum nursing lab. (As it turns out, it was just a low blood sugar reaction, but still...)

Sixlets

#6- What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?

I've been thinking a lot about this one. We all experience hard things everyday. When compared to other peoples' hard things, mine are fairly small. But that's the thing, we can't compare our hard things to anyone else's. They are our own, and the way they affect us and shape our lives make us the people that we are. Anyway, back to my hard thing...

I've written a few times about how having a baby changed me. Anyone who even semi-follows this blog knows that I suffer(ed) from postpartum depression. For the first few weeks after I had the Sharkbaby it took everything I had just to get through each day. Honestly, there are some days that I probably wouldn't have made it out of bed if my mom hadn't stopped on her way in to work to make me get up.

Every step I took felt like it drained me of any energy. Every time the baby cried, I would cry right along with him. There were many times I considered just running away. Anywhere had to be better than where I was. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't even smile. My world was gray, and not just because it was January.

For a little while after Sharkleton was born, I lost myself. I didn't know who I was anymore. I was just floating along from moment to moment, day to day, waiting for things to get better. And that was terrifying. It took me so long to find myself, that to have that identity stripped away broke me.

And that is the hardest thing I have ever experienced. The losing, and subsequent rediscovery, of myself. Becoming a mom changed me in ways that I never could have expected. It is hard, it is scary, and everyday brings something new and unexpected. But I can do hard things.

Sweet 16

#4-List 10 things you would tell your 16-year-old self, if you could.

I'll admit, I've really been looking forward to this one, and thinking hard about what I want to say.

1. Nurture the friendships you are building right now, they will still be your friends in a decade.
2. Apply for a second year at Brighton Camp. I know it seems hard and overwhelming after the first summer, but you'll regret not doing it again.
3. Try out for madrigals your senior year. Trust me, you will be able to do mads and take your CNA course.
4. Don't get into online dating during college. It just leads to dating a string of lame guys. There is someone out there for you, I promise.
5. Treasure your years in St. George (yes, you will go to Dixie). You will build yourself a second family there that will get you through some hard times.
6. Pajama pants and a hoodie equals not a good look for you. Take the extra 30 seconds and put on some jeans.
7. There is no shame in asking for help. This advice will serve you well at multiple points in your life.
8. During your senior year of high school, Mr. Hummer is going to offer to tutor you so you can take the AP Chemistry test. Do it.
9. The belly button piercing is a terrible idea. Don't do it.
10. Relax. Your time will come... for everything.