Fat-Bottom Girls

"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."

"But wait a bit," the Oysters cried,
"Before we have our chat;
For some of us are out of breath,
And all of us are fat!"

I'm never going to be a skinny girl. My hips will always be too big for skinny jeans. I'm always going to have an hourglass shape. I'm anything but petite.

But the time has come to do something about my weight problem. I've always been heavy. I've been overweight for 99% of my life. I did really well for awhile about losing weight and getting in shape.

I can blame any number of things: the strange hours I keep based on my work schedule, the fact that I can't seem to stay on a work out schedule by myself, genetics, all sorts of things. But the truth is, it all comes down to me. I make excuses for myself. I am my own enabler.

I know my husband loves me, but sometimes I wonder how attracted to me he his. I've put on about 30 lbs since we got married. Not knowing if I really wanted to hear it, but knowing that I needed to, I recently asked Curious George if he would be more attracted to me if I were thinner. His answer hurt a little bit, but it's become a big motivator for me. The conversation went something like this:
Me: Babe, would you be more attracted to me if I weighed less?
Him: What?
Me: You heard me, what do you think?
Him: Well, you know I love you.
Me: Yes, that wasn't the question. Would you be more attracted to me if I were thinner?
Him: Well, yeah, I guess so. Did we return that movie to Redbox?

Anyway, point of the matter is this. I don't look good. I don't feel good. I'm not comfortable in my own skin. I try and cook healthy and balanced meals. I try and get out of the house. But what it comes down to is this: I need to try harder. I need to do better. I need to BE better.

There are a lot of health problems in my gene pool that are exacerbated by being overweight. I'm only 25 but some of them are very real concerns. I could end up with diabetes, high cholesterol, hypertension, and any other number of risks. Being obese (there, I said the word: obese) can even make it harder to get pregnant. That's right: there's a link between obesity and infertility.

So, what am I going to do about it? I joined weight watchers. I've set up "walking dates" with a friend in my ward. I don't want to be the fat, funny one anymore. It's time for me to put my health first.

"The time has come," this walrus said,
"To try some different things:
walks --and fruits --and exercise--
and no more chicken wings--
and as this journey goes along
we'll see what the future brings."

I Dream In Food

Our last question (For now. Don't worry, Christi, I didn't forget about you. I just need to read some Jane Austen first) comes from my good friend Tara:

If you could design one perfect room in your house, which would it be and what would it look like?

This one is totally easy, but I will still expound upon it for paragraphs to come. Hopefully I can find some pictures to illustrate my points. (Just to test how well Curious George knows me I asked him which room I would choose. He looked at me like I was an idiot and gave me the correct answer immediately.) I feel very strongly about one particular room being the center of any home. That room is the kitchen. I find that I spend most of my time in the kitchen, whether it be preparing meals, hanging out, or whatever. So, the room I would want to be perfect is the kitchen.

A few luxuries I would like:
~Plenty of storage space
~Gas range
~Double wall ovens (preferably electric)
~An oversized fridge/freezer
~Taller than normal counter height
~A restaurant-style hood over my stovetop.

I really love the look of antique-white cabinets. I would love for some of them to have glass panes in the doors, but definitely not panes in all the doors. Overall I think the french country style is lovely for a kitchen. I would like an island separate from the rest of the counters, maybe done in a different color wood but with matching counter tops. I think that butcher-block counter tops are great. I would also really like a tile backsplash to match the colors in the tile on the floor. Yes, tile is a must.

The following pictures are all fabulous kitchens. I would take elements from each of them to put into my own kitchen:I love the brightness of this kitchen. I also love the over-sized drawers, and how the floor matches the walls. And that sink? To die for!

I love the under-counter bookshelves and storage in this one. I would probably skip the pineapples, though. Too many canker sores.

Love the red island and the island sink in this one. I would love to have a red island in a sea of white cabinets. I also like the symmetry, it's the OCD in me.

This one is probably my favorite. I love the around the corner storage and the different colors of wood. And that pantry? Amazing! I love the main porcelain sink, but the smaller vegetable sink on the island. I love that the cluttered-ness of it just makes it look homey.

Oh my! That range hood and that fridge! Beautiful! Also love how the colors of the tile in the backsplash pull in the island and the floor. Gorgeous!

So, there it is... if I could have the perfect room it would be the kitchen. Someday, when I get my dream kitchen, will you come over for a chat and a little treat?

Been There, Done That

Tonight I explored my inner child and went to the long-awaited (for me, anyway) release of Fablehaven: Keys to the Demon Prison. It was amazing! I sneaked out of work a few minutes early and picked up my little brother, McKay, for some good times at my old stomping ground: Cottonwood High School.

We were so excited to be there, we could barely contain ourselves.

We met people (creatures?) like Ephira...

and Muriel the witch...

and a fairy...



and my personal favorites, Newell (on the left) and Doren (on the right), the satyrs.



I even bought a t-shirt. How could I resist?

Oh What Do You Do

Another tough question from another new friend, Nature Girl:

If you had to give up something that you love to DO what would be the hardest thing? Why?

Wow, really? Definitely way to challenge me Nature Girl. There are so many things that I absolutely love. I love to cook. I love to craft. I love sewing, quilting, and creating. I love to take pictures. I love to spend time with my family. I enjoy hiking, going for walks, and just sitting outside in the sunshine. I even like to clean. It's true, I find it soothing.

But, I think the hardest thing to give up would be... experiencing new things. It's one of my favorite things to do, really. I like seeing new movies, reading new books, and discovering new bands. I like to try out new recipes, eat at new restaurants, and order something new off of an old favorite menu.

I tell Curious George all the time that I'm willing to try pretty much anything at least once. How can you ever learn what you like and what you don't like if you never experience anything new?

Think about it: if you couldn't experience anything new you'd be stuck doing the same things all the time. You'd have to watch the same movies and tv shows all the time. You'd have to read the same books over and over again (good thing I've read a lot of books, I'd be able to cycle through them for years!). You'd be stuck listening to the same music forever. And don't even think about gaining or losing weight, because you get the same clothes for your whole life.

Seriously?

BORING!

I know, I know, I cheated. I'm sure Nature Girl intended for me to pick one particular activity. But I just couldn't choose because, really:

I would be so boring (or is it bored?) without ever experiencing anything new.

This question comes to us from my fabulous friend Elmo:

What is your favorite quality of your husband?

What a fun question! I think I have a problem with undervaluing my husband. He really does so much for me and cares so much about me. He loves me despite all of my faults, neuroses, and passive-aggressive spells.

Before I share with you my favorite quality of his, let me give you a little bit of his background:

Curious George's dad joined the church when he married his mom. They weren't sealed in the temple, in fact they eloped. Shortly after joining the church and marrying my mother-in-law, he became offended by something and became inactive. Faced with the prospect of taking 2 (rowdy) little boys to church on her own, my mother-in-law soon followed suit.

Curious George attended church only sporadically growing up. He had a scout leader that would make him go to primary before he could go to scout camp. By the time he reached adulthood he was living full-fledged in a non-LDS lifestyle. He enjoyed partying, going to clubs, drinking, and having a beer with the boys while working on bikes.

He had friends from every walk of life. They came from different ethnic, religious, and familial backgrounds. And Curious George loved them all equally.

That's the one quality I admire the most about him: his complete lack of judgment of others. He doesn't care who you are, where you come from, or what you believe, he's going to give you the same opportunity to be his friend as he would anyone else.

He doesn't judge me for my silly little ideas, plans, or habits. He takes me at face-value for who I am.

I think he's the best husband out there... but who am I to judge?

A new friend, Anne, and a new question:

If you could give the world one piece of advice, what would it be?

Hmmm... this is actually a hard question for me to answer. I usually don't consider myself worthy of handing out advice, there is still too much I have to learn first. However, there are a few things that I know a little something about. First, a few small pieces of advice:

~You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Kindness actually does count for something.

~Don't sweat the small stuff. If you spend all of your time worrying about changing the little things, you miss out on the opportunity to experience the big things.

~You have the family you are born with and the family you build. Hopefully they fit well together.

~If it's a beautiful day outside don't spend it indoors. No beautiful day is worth wasting.

~Learn to laugh at yourself.

~Everyone deserves at least one pedicure in their life.

~Apologize freely.

~Love openly. This can be a life-changing experience.

But most important of all: Love yourself.

It took me a long time to figure that out. I've spent the majority of my 25 years on this earth learning to love myself for who I am. For a long time I wished I was someone else. I wished that I had a different body. I wished that I had someone else's social skills. I wished for another person's sense of humor. I wished for somebody else's hair, wardrobe, you-name-it.

It wasn't until I grew up a little bit that I learned that all of the things I wanted from somebody else were the things that made me Me. When Curious George and I first started dating I really struggled with feeling like he was dating me because he felt like he had to, not because he wanted to. Because we'd been close friends for several months, and we lived in the same student ward, I'd seen the girls he'd been dating. He'd take a girl out on a date, and after he'd dropped her off at home he'd call me to hash over the date. It wasn't until we went to do a temple session together (and ended up doing sealings) that he figured it all out. Anyway, the point of this story is this: it wasn't until I was secure in our relationship that I figured out that he'd married me because I was Me. He loved my blue eyes, my sarcasm, and my little (big) redneck streak. He loved that I wasn't perfect. He loved me.

So, through years of poor self esteem, yo-yo weight loss and gain, self-deprication, and a general feeling of worthlessness, I finally learned that I am who I am. I am worthy of my Heavenly Father's love just as much as the next person. I am worthy of deep and lasting friendships. I am worthy of a happy and fulfilling marriage. I am worthy of love.

I think this sentiment from Buddha sums it up nicely:

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection."

Because after all, all you need is Love.

Fear Itself

So this question comes from your friend and mine... Anonymous:

What are you most afraid of/what scares you/what fills you with fear?

First of all, a few things I'm afraid of:
~Hippos
~Earthquakes (Ironic, considering I live on a fault line)
~Snakes
~Being an apartment-dweller forever.

But my biggest fear is being inadequate.

I'm afraid I'll be inadequate as a wife. I want to live up to all of my husband's expectations. I want to be attractive to him. I want to cook him tasty, nutritious meals, and I want to be the best wife for him that I can be.

I'm afraid I'll be inadequate as a mother. I don't have children yet, but I'm afraid that I'll be to quick-tempered. I'm afraid I won't be able to provide for them physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I'm afraid that they'll hate me as a mother, or worse, that they won't respect me.

I'm afraid I'll be inadequate in my career. Am I a good nurse? Am I not only competent, but also caring? Am I a good charge nurse (probably too early to tell on this one)? Can I continue to be adequate at the career I love, all while balancing my other life dimensions?

I'm afraid I'll be inadequate as a friend. I'm afraid I take more than I give. I'm afraid I monopolize my friends. Am I as good of a friend as my friends are to me?

So, I guess what I'll do is take these words from Nelson Mandela and learn to live by them:

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.

And I will learn to not be afraid.